Scoliosis: a brave and lovely woman’s emotional journey
I have a dear cousin, C, who also grew up in Hong Kong. She suffers from scoliosis and underwent surgery to improve it when she was barely twelve at the Duchess of Kent Children’s Hospital on Hong Kong Island. I took care of her for a while as her parents were busy working. Back in those days, patients had to wear casts or braces after surgeries to help protect their spines and aid their recoveries. I still recall the six months post-surgery during which she wore a heavy cast and could not even take a proper shower. She had her surgery during the summer vacation, went back to school when school began in September, and barely skipped classes (except when she had to take a leave of absence to obtain a new cast at the hospital, which happened thrice).
In today’s society, many people feel no shame despite the many reasons why they should do so. I am referring to criminals, people who are deeply immoral, and those have gone bankrupt due to their irresponsible financial decisions. On the other hand, some people are unfairly made to feel shameful due to no fault of their own. A stigma is attached to scoliosis patients, whose likely suffer from emotional as well as physical discomfort. Long after her surgery and recovery, C continued to feel shame and insecurity. It certainly didn’t help that she was an introvert. A deeply sensitive and intelligent one no less.
Examples of insensitivity, including among so-called educators, to the suffering despite their courage and perseverance
Her insecurity and shame were fueled by a very insensitive, almost cruel, P.E. teacher in her high school. She was advised by her doctor not to dive, do gymnastics, and highly vigorous sports after her surgery. Other than that, she can do most sports. Thus, several years post-surgery, she formally informed her P.E. teacher by sending her a doctor’s note and requested to be exempted from those sports. Yet the teacher was seemingly forgetful and made her describe her case every time she demanded exemption. As C went up to the teacher to ask for exemption, the latter said, with a wry smile, “Oh, I have forgotten. What’s it about? Now, would you tell me?” Feeling very embarrassed, she would stutter a little as she described her condition. Meanwhile, she feared that her classmates would hear it: after all, it was something that she had kept hidden from even her best friends.
Even so, C frequently became a victim of merciless teasing. Because the curved portion of her spine was fixed with screws and a rod, it was inflexible. While her posture was excellent, the inflexible portion of the spine rendered that part of her back straight all the time. Numerous “friends” and colleagues had criticized her for her “rigid” walk. One called her gait “strange.” As she worked hard and excelled in high school and college, some jealous classmates had to resort to attacking her posture and the way she walked in their attempts to tear her down. C always reacted nonchalantly and pretended to brush it off. Deep down she felt very distressed. She had always wondered: how would they respond if she were to reveal the reason? Would they recoil in shame and apologize? Would they use her confirmed “weakness” as ammunition against her? Given how lacking in morals and basic decency most of these people were, the latter scenario would likely have been more likely.
A flaw that need not be
Despite all the ill-natured comments and mockery by C’s colleagues and classmates, an upright posture itself can only be a good thing. In a perfect world, everybody would have a back that is both agile and straight, like those gymnasts in the Olympics. In that sense, the rigid portion of the spine is an imperfection. Nonetheless, would you rather grow old with your back straight or hunched? Patients who had surgeries won’t very likely suffer from hunched backs as they age, a problem that plagues many aging people. As for the slightly rigid gait that results from her straight and upright posture, it isn’t necessary a bad thing. As my previous post shows, Arruda, one of Canada’s most promising fashion models, was chosen by her top model agency partially because of the way she walks. She even called herself “bionic woman,” a term that her agency used to describe her, thus embracing the presence of a metal rod in her back.
Some years after her surgery, C developed a keen interest in swimming. She considered received formal training, but did not (luckily, her high school did not have a pool). Deep down, she felt “ugly.” She feared that people would look at the scar tissue on her back and scream, despite our attempts to comfort her. Years later, she no longer felt as shy in revealing to some people about her experience. Sometimes she had to. At a thorough medical check-up (that had nothing to do with scoliosis or spinal health), the physician, after observing that she had excellent health and being told that she had spinal surgery, asked to observe her back and the scar. As she pulled up her sweater, he remarked gently, “Oh, the scar is really faint. Yes, your back looks really straight now! Perfect.”
Patients who seek to smoothen their scar tissues can consider applying silicone gel or putting a silicone scar sheet to the affected area. Yet, even if they cannot remove the scar tissues completely, they should not feel overly conscious about it, not least a scar-type that looks–rather objectively speaking–faint and unobtrusive. As my previous post shows, Martha Hunt, Lindsay Ellingson, and Emm Arruda proudly showcased their scars on various social media channels as something that they are proud of and that made them who they are!
It’s too late, yet not too late
I wish we had social media back then. If so, C would have felt no shame and much less lonely, knowing that so many fabulous and beautiful people out there were going through very similar hardships and eager to reach out to fellow patients. Hey, it was exactly the kind of story that college applicants would have told in their personal statements and that likely would have impressed admission committees. C has not used her experience in this way: she nonetheless became a very accomplished professional–one with strong work ethic, decency, and integrity. She has also promised me that should people make rude remarks in the future, she’ll proudly tell them the reason to put them to shame.
I hereby dedicate these blog posts to scoliosis patients out there: you are not alone–be the resilient and fabulous individuals you are!